Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
