i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
