Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
