Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
