We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
