Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
