I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
