it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
