I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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