I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
