I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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