The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
