I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
