dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
