Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
