i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
