this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
