There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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