I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
