Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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