bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We need to get me chipped asap
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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