The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
