My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
