LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
