MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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