Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
