can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
