She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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