Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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