Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize