My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
