so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
