forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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