so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
