i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
