You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
