Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
