He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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