I'm jealous of your bromance
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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