This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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