I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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