I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
