Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
