I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
