It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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