Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
