Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
