Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
