What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
