Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
