Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's paper in my vomit.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
