erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize