another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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