I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
