i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
