i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
