This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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