you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
