My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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