all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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